Because I play Hindustani Classical Music, I spend a lot of time with South Asians. The question I often ask is "What part of India is your family from?', because I am trying to get a better understanding of the many cultures that consititute this Multi-Cultural Democracy. (Malayalees and Punjabis are as different from each other as Swedes and Italians.) As far as I can tell, Indians like hearing that question, as they are pleased that an Anglo even knows that India contains different cultures. That framing also recognizes and accepts that this person could be an American citizen, regardless of where their family is from. I wouldn't ask that question of someone with a Muslim name, however, as there's a good chance they would be Pakistani.

Because I have asked that question in the past, I don't have to ask it as much now. I know that someone named Grewal is going to be Punjabi, or Chauduri is going to be Bengali etc. I also know a lot more about Indian culture in general, which makes it less likely that I will commit the sort of gaffes that are described in this artcile and elswhere on Medium.