In some professions, Men can get what they want by half-flirting. I'm a musician, and many of the club owners and bartenders who could give me gigs are women. It has to be done very delicately or you come across as creepy. Before you start, you have to be sure they really are attracted to you at least a little bit, and I’m probably too old to get away with it now. Just being a musician actually helps, if they like your playing. I remember one time, after a club owner had told me several times she wasn’t hiring at the moment, I said “Does this mean I’m going to disappear out of your life forever?” She laughed, I might even say giggled, and she did agree to look at my demo package. (This was before websites.) I think she eventually hired me for something, although it was a long time ago, and I’m not sure.

I don’t want to imply for a minute that this kind of interaction was remotely equivalent to what you have to go through. It happened rarely, which meant it was kind of fun when it did happen. And there was never any sense of the physical threat that is the burden of women in a Rape culture.

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