My general maxims are these: 1)don’t ever bring up the subject of race unless a black person brings it up first. 2)When they do bring it up, spend more time listening than talking. 3)Ask questions that are designed to increase your understanding of their point of view, rather than poking holes in it. if you don’t find yourself agreeing with someone (black or white) for at least a couple of seconds, you don’t really understand their point of view. 4) if you still disagree with them at the end of the exchange, say something like, I’ll have to think about that and get back to you“. I usually find after a week or two that I agree with them more than I thought I would at first. 5) when they want to stop talking about it, say if they change the subject, stop talking about it immediately. They have to live with these problems all the time, and sometimes thinking about the subject for too long is just too stressful.