There may be a middle ground, but it's not obvious where it is. If you had dated several black people, you could have accused yourself of fetishism. I have read several such accusations on medium. So where would the line be between the two? 50%? 40%? Is there a zone of moral safety that borders and separates racism from fetishism? It seems silly to make this simple numerical fact establish racism all by itself. But that's what you have done. I don't know whether you are racist or not, but this statistic proves nothing without some sort of broader context. I think it's very unlikely that this racist context exists for you, given how careful you are about this subject.

When I was younger, the word "racist" had a pretty straightforward meeting. It meant someone who believed that Black people were biologically inferior to white people, and that therefore they should be segregated. I don't think there's anybody who believes that anymore, not even obvious racists like Donald Trump. People need to stretch the world all over the place now, in hopes that it can account for a lot of new evils. It's a noble effort, but it's made the word pretty much meaningless today

For what it's worth, I think we should stop worrying about racism and worry more about making lives better for African-Americans. I'm not just talking about economic and police brutality issues. We also need to redefine what we mean courtesy so that African-Americans are saved the pain and stress of micro-aggressions. But that is not going to be accomplished by formulating new ways of defining racism that have no direct contact with African-American Pain. I don't think any African-Americans are particularly upset about White women not dating enough black men. So I really don't think anyone needs to make their dating habits a traget for anti-racist reform.