Try this one on for size:

A man neglects to tell a woman that he is single when he is actually married. He has sex with her. Her friends don't know, the man she had sex with tells no one . What harm was done here? Just because women think this is a violation doesn't mean it was.

Pretty disgusting, right?

There was a discussion earlier on a medium post about whether lying to get sex was rape. The example given was not telling a woman that you were married. Many feminists agreed that it was rape, I argued that it wasn't. I would add however, that any person, who lies to get sex, or anything else, is guilty of fraud. This act of deception should be criminal, or at least recognized as morally repugnant.

The vast majority of women are Ciswomen, and the assumption that any new acquaintance is Cis is a reasonable one. If a relationship looks like it's about to turn seriously erotic, a transperson has a moral obligation to make sure the partner is OK with your being trans. One way to do this might be to bring up the subject of transness , and see how the potential partner feels about sex with a transperson. If they are not open to the idea, you don't necessarily have to reveal that you are trans, but you should get the hell out of there.

You say it's not your problem if someone doesn't want to have sex with a transperson, but it is supposed to be our problem that transpeople will be traumatized if they can't play women's sports or use women's changing rooms. If you want empathy, you have to be willing to give it.